Matthew 7 - There's a lot Underneath the Surface that We Don't Know About

Last Saturday, a friend shared a story with me about her daughter's first dentist appointment. When the dentist office said they were going to take x-rays, she was a little worried about how that was going to work, but it worked out fine and she was explaining the awe of seeing adult teeth sitting underneath her daughter's baby teeth and all I could think was, there is a lot under the surface that we can't see.

I have been running that idea through my head this week as I think about people and things I see. I was drawn to a couple of ideas in Matthew 7. The first is the idea of not judging others which Jesus talks about in verses 1-5 of the chapter:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. ² For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. ³ And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? ⁴ Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? ⁵ Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

As I thought about this, I was reminded of those teeth, sitting under the surface, that we can't see, and I think about people I know, with many things sitting under the surface too that I don't know about. Are they good? Are they bad? Is it mine to determine? 

I think the truth is that it is complicated. These verses remind me that I, too, can be judged and I know that I am not perfect. There are plenty of labels that I wear, that people could hear or learn and paint their own picture of who I am. They could also witness one soundbite  and determine my character. Would they be accurate? They could be, but probably not. There is a lot going on under my surface, in my mind and my heart. 

Let's look at two labels I wear, Christian and gay. Part of me doesn't know where to start with what ideas and images people might have of me given these two labels alone. These labels evoke many ideas and emotion in our current society, but here a few negative ideas or thoughts I have heard and run across:

• You can't be Christian and gay
• Gay...flouncing fairy
• Christian...judgmental holy roller

The interesting thing about these is that they just don't fit. First of all being gay is your sexual identity and being Christian is your set of beliefs. They can easily exist in the same person. Christian beliefs guide my actions as a man everyday. And I am pretty sure that people who know me would not say I am a flouncing fairy or a judgmental holy roller. 

Instead, most people would say that I am pretty normal, although possibly quirky, with geeky tendencies. Also, people have remarked on how open to hearing and understanding others I am. I don't believe we have to agree to love and care for each other, but I do believe in respect and understanding. And there is a lot under the surface that you don't know about. God has me on a journey and even I don't know where it ends up or all the ways I will be shaped along the journey.

Matthew 7:1,2 is often associated with the idea of walking a mile in another person's shoes. I agree with that. I don't think you can truly understand the place a person is coming from without dialogue with them and you can't appreciate where their ideas come from without taking time. If a person is a part of your life, it is important to understand who that person is. Labels, which we use as a quick way to understand people are not really effective because there is a lot going on under the surface that we don't know about. 

But where does that leave us? I think the answer to that is to see what fruit the person bears.

¹⁷ Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

Take the time to walk a mile in a person's shoes and observe the fruit of their life; following both of these ideas will help you evaluate a person and your response to them. 

It makes sense to us to do this for the people who are family, friends, co-workers...people who are engaged in our lives, but that is not where it ends. In this season, where we in the US are preparing to elect a president and soundbites and labels abound. Will you determine a person's worth based on soundbites and labels or will you walk a mile in their shoes and examine the fruit of their life?

There is a lot under the surface that we don't know about.
 

Ephesians 4 - An Attitude Check

So have you ever thought about a situation and realized that you need an attitude check? Boy, have I ever, and I am feeling it right now. Over the weekend I got one of those, I would like to talk face-to-face. Not the, hey, we need to catch up, but the heavy, personal subjects that we don't see eye-to-eye on. This would probably not be so bad if it didn't feel like we had been around the ring with these same topics before...but I guess the good news is that I recognized my need for an attitude check. 

Step one, recognize the the bad attitudes and their need to change.

So, recognize, that I have a bad attitude, one which has put up walls and makes me not want to have a face-to-face conversation. What are the problems...well, in the end, I fear that I will be hurt and two, because I am anticipating that, am concerned that I won't be able to hear the other person without hearing it through my lens of previous hurt and who knows what I will say through that same hurt. So to scripture I went, and found myself in Ephesians 4.

As I read this chapter, several places stood out to me. The first was those first 3 verses.

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, ² with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, ³ endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 

First, Paul reminds that at the time of this writing, he is a prisoner. The voice in my head is saying, "You think you got it bad, remember where Paul was...and he kept a good attitude." Paul reminds me to walk in love, patience and work toward a peaceful, spiritual unity. I surely can't do that and hold past hurts and disagreements in my mind. I need to release them. I need to be able to speak in love and hear in love, bitterness and resentment can have no place in this conversation.

Of course, inside, I am whining a little bit, "But, I don't want to. I have been hurt and I am tired of making myself vulnerable and being hurt again." Now if this was an abusive situation, I might give into that and say that God's best for me is not to allow myself to be abused, but this is in no way that kind of situation. It just is hard for a non-confrontational person to walk into discussions that are a source of conflict and uncomfortableness.

And then I read verses 31 and 32, a direct answer to my concern about what I might say.

³¹ Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ³² And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Paul is pretty straightforward about saying that all those negative emotions and instincts need to be put away from you. They just can't be around if this conversation is to be one of love and peace and gentleness. And furthermore...all those past things I want to hold against that person...well verse 32 has got that covered. Drat, that forgiveness thing.

So I can't hold on to the past wrongs, I can't speak through anger and hurt and I need to have this conversation in love and patience. And now you see where the attitude adjustment is necessary.

Next step, give all the thoughts, hurts, fears, anxieties over to God.

This is the hard part for me, but the only way I know how to do this is to pray. To pray hard and to pray long!!! Possibly in my favor is that I live over two hours away from this person and my schedule is pretty tight for awhile, so I can't actually do a face-to-face right away. So there will be a lot of prayer for this. And I don'[t mean, procrastinate until it gets closer, I mean start today and pray, pray, pray! (and maybe you will pray for me too).

A change of attitude does not usually happen over night, but holding on to a bad attitude hurts us more than anyone else. Our joy is stolen and our focus is on negative things.

And while you are working on step two, bring in step three, replace the bad attitude with a positive one. 

As I pray, I also need to fill my head with reminders and scriptures that remind me to focus on what is pure and good, to know that I am loved, to remember to seek peace and healing for all those involved. Fill your head with so much good attitude that there is no room for a bad attitude. So while I am praying, I will be writing myself little scripture notes and reminders for a positive attitude. (feel free to share your positive attitude scriptures and reminders with me).

Do you need an attitude check?

Is so, remember:

• Indentify and acknowledge the bad attitude.
• Give it all up to God.
• Gird yourself with a positive attitude and thoughts.

Psalm 63 - Desparate Thirst

When I read this psalm, I can't help but stop at at the first verse:

O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.

Such an image it presents, with the idea of thirsting for God like you thirst in a land with no water. I can only imagine what that feels like because I have never been that thirsty. But I know David and the nation of Judah understood that thirst. They knew what it was like to be without water and to struggle to get very little water. And they experienced finding water in little trickles,  so little that you can't help but get dirt mixed in with the water, but you drink anyway because of your great thirst.They did not have a faucet as we do, to provide water, or bottled water available that is pure and clean.

So, instead, I think of experiences that I can relate too, where my desire for something has been so great, that I would give and sacrifice everything to acquire it. That is the thirst David is talking about. What I come to that is the closest for me are the times when my heart cries out for another person, just their presence and a hug that let's me know that things will be OK and that I matter and am important. Those moments when life seems more than I can handle.

The beauty of it, is that in those moments, God is there. I cry out, scream and groan, and God's presence comes to me. I feel God, present, whispering that I am loved, I am strong, I will see the other side of this.

And in that whisper, I start to remember. I remember the blessings God has given me, family, friends, food, shelter, the ability to think and reason, the gift of giving to others and I feel grateful; grateful that I am a part of the world around me and that my life has impact on those around me. I remember that we are all connected and that I can find joy in your joy; that I share that joy and that you share my pain. And together, we will see the sun rise and a new day come.

This is what that thirst feels like and why I thirst for God, because God fills a place in my heart. God knows every crevice of who I am and God loves me.

Do you thirst for God? Do you crave to feel in unity with God  and the world around you? How do you experience that thirst? What in your life helps you to understand what it means to truly thirst as the psalm describes?

Holy One is a song by Casting Crowns that speaks to that psalm.

1 John 4:18 - 4 Stories of Courage

A bunch of things that have been going on in my world have caused me to think a lot about courage. I have realized that courage wears many faces and sometimes doesn't feel like courage to the person who is doing it.

I have four stories I want to share that deal with courage. They all share a common thread but all the people don't share the same views, but each one is motivated by love and probably some of the people involved do not see what they are doing as courage, but I have come to see each one as courage, and each one drew me back to 1 John 4:18:

 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

The first is my story, about a week ago, my boyfriend and I were walking to meet some friends, holding hands (a normal thing for us) and a guy stopped us to ask about how long we have been together and if we were married...by this point, his husband had walked back to join him. They were going out to celebrate their third anniversary but the guy explained he had to stop us to comment on us holding hands, wishing that they had the courage to do that. What was a normal, every day activity for us, wasa sign of courage to them.

The second story is about a missionary from South America who happened upon my boyfriend and I about 10 PM one evening, walking down the street, holding hands. She greeted us in her broken English and began to politely, kindly, and with love tell us about Jesus. She explained that love between two men was wrong and urged us to seek Jesus. She was gentle, she was kind, and she spent perhaps 15 minutes talking to us, urging us to seek Jesus and at the end of conversation, parted with, God bless you. Now, I admit, I struggled with this one because when I said that I knew Jesus, she insisted I did not, but I was reminded to see her love in what she said and the time she spent by my boyfriend, and he was right. It was late at night, she was all alone, and there were not many people around, but she spoke in love, not fear. She displayed courage.

The next story is about a mother. Her son is gay and she loves him dearly. All her life she was told that being gay was wrong, but now she is forced to confront feelings and understandings within herself. She chooses to examine those feelings and wrestle with them to understand, all the while maintaining the friendship she has with her son. In addition to wrestling with the feelings within herself. she finds herself advocating for understanding from her husband, not for their son, for he too loves their son, but for her son's boyfriend to be welcome in their home for holidays. Her courage in facing what she has been taught all her life and creating uncomfortableness in her home, is motivated by love. While it can be scary, she walks a path of love.

The last story is about a pastor. She has a church that is only a couple of years old. She has built the congregation from the beginning, moving from a house church to a church with a permanent location. She has a gay man who has offered to start a small group in the church. In conversations with the pastor that mentors her and the small group coordinator of the church she started from, she gets a mixed reaction to having a gay man in a leadership role. She knows that she might face conflict, questions, and uncomfortableness, but she weighs all the factors to look at the person as a Christian man with leadership skills and evaluates his walk and what he has to offer over the label of gay that society places on him. She has courage to stand on the side of love and risk the criticism of Christians.

Each of these people is operating in love, love for another person or love for people in general. It is unclear whether they think of what they are doing as showing courage, but it has become clear to me that each one is walking in courage and not in fear.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

Do you have a story of courage? I would love to hear about it.