Romans 5:3-5 - Disappointment

Last week, my fiancé asked me if I had any quotes or poems about disappointment...and it could even be scripture; he was preparing a discussion topic for the small group he facilitates.

Several days later, when I remembered his request (my delay was probably a disappointment to him, ironically), I was immediately drawn to a scripture and a quote from a popular children's book.

The scripture was Romans 5:3-5

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

 This is a scripture that I often turn to when life feels difficult. It reminds me that there is purpose in everything that I experience. Each experience shapes and changes me and is a part of who I am today. I like the man that I am and when I really look at it, most of the traits that I admire about myself were forged in challenges and tough times, not in the seasons of smooth sailing. I have often found myself thanking God for difficulties that I have experienced because without them, I would not have become a person of determination, assertiveness, empathy, and many other positive traits. And I am further grateful that I can recognize this truth and the goodness of personal growth. Of course, when I am in the middle of struggles, that is not always so easy to see. I often need some time and distance to get perspective.

Now later this week, a coworker of mine made a comment that I was very patient and I didn't let things upset me or become frustrated. That isn't always the case, but I do strive for that. But as she was saying this, I was brought back to this scripture because it is from times of trials and suffering that those traits have been formed. It is those seasons that have given me the wisdom to step back from circumstances and evaluate my reactions to events to see what will be fruitful and what will only make the situation worse for myself. Stopping to assess and make a more thoughtful response to events is something I have trained myself to do through some difficult situations.

But let's be honest, it just doesn't always work out. For me, this is especially true when I am tired. It seems like little things go badly and my response becomes very emotional. I have to fight grumpiness and the desire to lash out. Sometimes I can win the battle, but I also lose it as well. In those times, I feel like the other quote I gave my fiancé,  from Judith Viorst's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day:

 I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

 If you have ready the book, you know that everything seems to go wrong for Alexander. None of these things are earth-shattering but as they pile up, Alexander's day just gets worse and worse...until finally, as he is going to bed, his mom reminds him that some days are like that...even in Australia.

What I love about this story is that it acknowledges that sometimes our day is bad. It has one thing after another go bad, the day is terrible, and we have disappointments; that this is a reality of life...even in Australia. It gives me permission to have a bad day, to occasionally let my disappointment show and be a little grumpy. It also reminds me that just like Alexander's bad day, my bad day also comes to an end and the next day is a brand new day, filled with potential.

I think the key is to take that disappointment and put it in perspective. Look at it for the character trait grown/formed, or the lesson to be learned. And then, to give thanks for that trait or lesson, for it just develops us closer to the beautiful and amazing person we are becoming.

Do you struggle with disappointments and how to deal with them? Maybe next time you are in the middle of that, you can stop, and see the potential for growth, and give thanks for the opportunity to become more than you were.