Proverbs 25:16 - What I Learned from Ice Cream

This week, my small group was between studies so we planned a social event. For some reason the local ice cream shop comes up often in our group and they have what is called the "Brain Freeze" challenge that a couple of us have been talking about doing, so we decided to make that our social event.

Now the "Brain Freeze" challenge involves eating 8 scoops of ice cream, 6 servings of liquid toppings, and 4 servings of candy toppings. You can choose your flavors of all of these and as they make it they weigh it so that in the end you have 3 pounds of ice cream and toppings. If you can eat it all in 30 minutes or less, you win a free t-shirt. Some of you are probably saying that sounds great, where do I sign-up, while others are probably groaning. Two of us decided to do it.

Well let me tell you I have been excited about this all summer. I love ice cream and felt like this would be no problem. We each selected our ice cream flavors and toppings and they made up our very large sundaes...and there was pleasure in every bite...until I got about 3/4 of the way through...my stomach started to rebel and eating ice cream became something I was trying to do, not something to be enjoyed.

Proverbs 25:16 sings a familiar song...too much of a good thing...

If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it.

My experience with the "Brain Freeze" challenge reminded me of this. It reminded me that there is a price to pay for gluttony. What starts out as good and a pleasure turns into something else, something that is not honoring, and something that can leave you feeling sick.

The "Brain Freeze" challenge is not a long-term example of this issue, but if we examine our lives, we can find good examples. Perhaps our excess is in an area such as alcohol, eating, exercise, or one of many other things. Each of these can be something that in some amounts brings us pleasure and can be a part of a balanced life, but overdue it and you pay a price. This excess starts to impact other areas of your life and your ability to experience the full joy that God has planned for you. With the "Brain Freeze" challenge, my stomach felt full the next morning and I skipped breakfast. Throughout the day, my stomach continued to not feel great but I did eat food a couple of times to make sure I was giving my body energy. Each time I did, I felt a little sick and the experience was certainly NOT a pleasure.

Do you have excesses in your life? It may seem like a pleasure now, but there will be a price. Consider the advice from proverbs and experience things in balance. Indulge, but don't overindulge so that you can feel the pleasure that God has for you in each experience.

And for those of you wondering...I finished my 3 pounds of ice cream with 8 minutes to spare...and got my free t-shirt (in a size large enough for me to swim in).

Responding To Disappointment

So a month ago, I wrote a post on Disappointment, featuring Romans 5:3-5 and this week I got to live it...

Last Sunday I got a voice mail from the innkeeper where my fiancé and I are supposed to get married next May. When I called back, she explained that she had to sell the B&B and would be closing in November and that the buyer had a different purpose in mind for the property and would not be able to honor our contract. She felt terrible and would be sending back our deposit plus some additional money to help out with our wedding.

What I wanted to do:

• I wanted to get angry and demand to know why she would let us book the place just a couple of months previously. She had to have some idea that this was going to happen.
• I wanted to cry because all our advance planning was for nothing and we had just sent in the designs for our invitations...with all the wrong information.
  

What actually happened:

• I expressed my condolences that she had to close the Inn and thanked her for letting us know early and for her generosity in contributing some additional money to our wedding fund. She also had made some calls to some other local B&B's to see who might be able to host our event, and I thanked her for that. I chose to show understanding and sympathy.

While I was upset and disappointed, I knew that both my spirit and the innkeepers were on the line. If I allowed my anger anger and frustration rule me, both of us would pay a price. For the innkeeper, I would add to her guilt feelings and I would be discounting the kindnesses she had showed in the situation. For myself, I would let anger and bitterness into my heart and possible allow it to mar, what will be one of the greatest days of my life, the day I join my life in the commitment of marriage. Further, I couldn't help but think of the story in John chapter 8 where the religious leaders brought a woman to Jesus who had been caught in the act of adultry:

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” verse 7

I have certainly messed up and disappointed others and I will in the future. When others mess up and cause me disappointment, I try to consider how I would like others to respond to my mistakes and do likewise.

Now as the week has gone on, we have done a great deal of research into other options and venues, I have prayed, and my small group has prayed with me. Many options involve changing the wedding date (and we loved our date because by God-incidence we had scheduled our wedding for the 10th anniversary of legal gay marriage in Massachusetts, the state where we live) and budget seems to be an obstacle for many great locations as we are trying to make it a weekend event. But here are some of the places this week's prayers have brought me to:

• Focus on what is important. I have stepped back to consider what is most important about my wedding. This event celebrates a great love. It does not need to rely on money, a certain date, specific things being present or a specific location. It is about Thomas and I and the love and commitment we share. Whatever works out, those key elements will be there. That day will be amazing for just that! Anything else is added beauty and blessing.
• See new possibilities. As we have explored different options, I have come to look for what new things these different venues offer instead of what they don't offer that were at the Inn. For instance, in looking at a retreat and conference center, I am thinking about the fire pit available and the opportunities for a campfire and s'mores. This was not something we would have been able to do previously and it could be a very different and fun way to spend time with our guests on the eve of our wedding. For those who know me, I am a s'more master and a big campfire fan. Focusing on this helps me to spend less time thinking about the fact that we will have to do additional food planning for this venue to stay in our budget if we chose it.

Thinking about handling disappointments and saying how we will respond when they happen is a very different experience than actually facing it and choosing to respond with love.

Do you have an example of a time when you have chosen to respond with love and patience in the face of disappointment? I would love to hear about it.

Dueteronomy 4:29 - Confronting Yourself with God

It is clear from the Bible that God desires relationship with us and scripture makes all kinds of references as to what that relationship is:

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:15

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, Ephesians 5:25

Throughout scripture God sets up the idea of a positive, incredibly intimate relationship with God...parent...best friend...spouse. But if you are like me, you find it a challenge to hold God in one of those spots; to see God in the same way you see that parents who you have an amazingly special relationship with, the best friend that you can call anytime day or night, or the spouse that you never want to spend a moment separated from. The big difference is that those people are physical and tangible and we are confronted with them, standing in front of us, on a regular basis.

But we do get glimpses of this, moments when God feels that close and that real. This comes at those times when we are see and are closest to God, at those times when we confront ourselves with God on a regular basis and we feel the intimacy. Dueteronomy tells us:

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. Dueteronomy 4:29

But how do we confront ourselves with God?

• Intentionally look for God - As you walk through your day, see what God has done and thank God. Make it a habit so that your response to beauty, a positive event, or something that causes wonder is, "Thank you God!"
• Meditate and think on God - Maybe this is a regular reading and meditation of scripture, maybe it is a time of prayer, or maybe it is a time of complete contemplation, emptying your thoughts of all distractions of the world and focusing on the divine. Make a time of meditation a daily habit
• Involve God in regular everyday activities - Bring God into routine activities, such as eating. Say grace before a meal, using your exercise time to memorize a key scripture verse, post scriptures on your bathroom mirror that you read to yourself every time you are in front of it. Make God a part of each day, just as your would a person who is incredibly important and special to you. 

When we are confronting ourselves with God on a regular basis, our relationship grows and we see those glimpses of God in the intimate relationship that he desires to be in with us.  We will find moments when we feel like God is that loving parent, loyal best friend, our other half.For me, the song The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe embodies this desired intimacy.

What are the ways you confront yourself with God and build that intimate relationship?

Creating a Safe Place for Engagement

Last week, my friend Derek asked me if I was familiar with Andrew Marin's ministry and what I thought of him. I responded that I had heard about him, but I wasn't overly enthusiastic about him because from things I had read from people in the LGBT community he held the belief that homosexuality was a sin and that was underlying in his work.

Then this week, I got involved in a discussion with my small group about judgement and engagement. We were focused on the idea of Jesus reaching out to those around him, regardless of their background. Further, we discussed how the church could better reach those who were outside the church. Ideas such as, no judgement, a safe place, and engagement came up.


As I was thinking about both of these things, I started considering Jesus and his engagement with those around him and a few scriptures and ideas came to mind. First, Jesus engaged with all types of people:

The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” John 4:9

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” Luke 15:1, 2

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” Luke 19:5

Jesus had people of all different financial backgrounds in his audience, all different education levels, city folk and country folk, and people of all different social positions in the community. Jesus engaged with all sorts of people. His goal was to reach out and touch the heart of each one. He offered God to each and left them to choose whether to accept the gift he had to offer. He made him self safe to each. We can see that all types of people felt they could approach Jesus.

Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. He came to Jesus at night and said... John 3:1, 2

 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” John 9:2 

 When he entered Capernaum, a centurion approached him and appealed to him, Matthew 8:5

Jesus was a safe place. Jesus listened and saw each person before him. he did not send them away or make them feel unwelcome. Jesus did not write them off for their past choices or their current attitudes. But the thing we need to realize is that Jesus did recognize sin in them and encourage them to change and choose relationship with good and live a life a love. He acknowledged faults and without making the people unworthy, and he offered a different path. He did judge them, but he offered them a path to wholeness and relationship with God.

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 18:14

She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. John 8:11

“I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” John 4:17, 18

Jesus loved people enough not to let them stay the way they were. He may have been harsh at times, but that was with the people whose sin lay in their righteousness, because they needed to realize their distance from God. For all, he met them in the place they were at and showed them a new path. And this is what we as the church need to be in order to reach people around us. We need to love them where they are at and offer them another path. Our love can't be contingent on them choosing the path we are offering them, it must be genuine love. In this way, we can create a space that is a safe place where we can engage. 

Walking away from my thoughts, I have some further realizations about my opening stories. With respect to Andrew Marin, I realize that he is doing as Jesus did, trying to love people where they are at and offer them a different path, one that he believes is of God. I realize that he and I just have a different idea of what God's view of homosexuality is. While he and I don't agree, I do respect his meeting people in the place that they are at with love. (So if you happen to be reading this Mr. Marin, I apologize for not clearly seeing the goodness of your methods because we see scripture differently on this topic. As for my small group, I think we need to remember that the key is loving people in the place that they are and offering (not forcing) others another path. It isn't a judgement-free environment, but it is a cocoon of love and acceptance.

Do you love people like Jesus? 

Luke 15:20b,28 - Grace

As I mentioned several posts ago, my small group is studying Luke 15: 1-3, 11-32 using a book and study called Prodigal God. The title of the study is one of the things that really captures me. Traditionally, we think of the younger son as the prodigal, but this study directs you to think of the Father as the prodigal. Crazy...until you examine a definition of prodigal:

1. recklessly extravagant
2. having spent everything

 ...so maybe you are still thinking that fits the son and not the father, but I want you to consider these two verses.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." (20b)

 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him." (28)

What the Father is recklessly extravagant about is love. He abandons all dignity and lifts his garment to run to and embrace the younger son who has returned and he again abandons dignity to leave the celebration to beg the older son to come in and celebrate too. This is grace! Neither son deserved this reckless love, but the father gives it to him.

Grace is a tricky concept for us to grasp. We want to insist on making restitution, as the younger son wanted to or we stand proud as the older son, holding onto our righteousness, and not receiving the gift, as the older son does. We struggle with receiving something that we don't feel we deserve...and yet we want it...but we can't accept it. We feel we need to do something to earn it. 


The idea of grace has become the topic of many songs and messages in an effort for us to understand and grasp the reality of grace. God has been giving grace for a long time though and as this video from the Skit Guys points out, even the disciples struggle with grace. The bible tells so many stories that involve grace and we see so many receive this and yet we continue to struggle with it in our own lives.

Click for Video

In fact, the struggle to accept grace impacts the way we approach God. In my small group this week, as we watched the Prodigal God video in its entirety again, Tim Keller made a statement that caught my attention. He expresses the idea that Jesus uses this story to tell us that we need to reexamine everything we ever understood about how to approach God. This week I latched onto that and started looking at how I approach God...

Think about that for a moment. How do you approach God? Are you heavy with the mistakes you have made? Are you confident that you have been good and can stand up tall with God? Are you ready to receive an absolutely free gift, knowing that you can not EVER balance the scale between you and God? Can you just BE with God?

Our understanding of grace has a big impact on how we approach God. Until we can fully wrap our head around grace, we will come to God with baggage. The good news is, that God is ready and willing to take that baggage from us. Like with the sons in the Luke, God is ready to willingly, extravagantly, and recklessly love us until we understand and embrace grace.

This week, I am reexamining my understandings of grace and how I approach God. Will you join me?

Romans 5:3-5 - Disappointment

Last week, my fiancé asked me if I had any quotes or poems about disappointment...and it could even be scripture; he was preparing a discussion topic for the small group he facilitates.

Several days later, when I remembered his request (my delay was probably a disappointment to him, ironically), I was immediately drawn to a scripture and a quote from a popular children's book.

The scripture was Romans 5:3-5

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

 This is a scripture that I often turn to when life feels difficult. It reminds me that there is purpose in everything that I experience. Each experience shapes and changes me and is a part of who I am today. I like the man that I am and when I really look at it, most of the traits that I admire about myself were forged in challenges and tough times, not in the seasons of smooth sailing. I have often found myself thanking God for difficulties that I have experienced because without them, I would not have become a person of determination, assertiveness, empathy, and many other positive traits. And I am further grateful that I can recognize this truth and the goodness of personal growth. Of course, when I am in the middle of struggles, that is not always so easy to see. I often need some time and distance to get perspective.

Now later this week, a coworker of mine made a comment that I was very patient and I didn't let things upset me or become frustrated. That isn't always the case, but I do strive for that. But as she was saying this, I was brought back to this scripture because it is from times of trials and suffering that those traits have been formed. It is those seasons that have given me the wisdom to step back from circumstances and evaluate my reactions to events to see what will be fruitful and what will only make the situation worse for myself. Stopping to assess and make a more thoughtful response to events is something I have trained myself to do through some difficult situations.

But let's be honest, it just doesn't always work out. For me, this is especially true when I am tired. It seems like little things go badly and my response becomes very emotional. I have to fight grumpiness and the desire to lash out. Sometimes I can win the battle, but I also lose it as well. In those times, I feel like the other quote I gave my fiancé,  from Judith Viorst's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day:

 I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

 If you have ready the book, you know that everything seems to go wrong for Alexander. None of these things are earth-shattering but as they pile up, Alexander's day just gets worse and worse...until finally, as he is going to bed, his mom reminds him that some days are like that...even in Australia.

What I love about this story is that it acknowledges that sometimes our day is bad. It has one thing after another go bad, the day is terrible, and we have disappointments; that this is a reality of life...even in Australia. It gives me permission to have a bad day, to occasionally let my disappointment show and be a little grumpy. It also reminds me that just like Alexander's bad day, my bad day also comes to an end and the next day is a brand new day, filled with potential.

I think the key is to take that disappointment and put it in perspective. Look at it for the character trait grown/formed, or the lesson to be learned. And then, to give thanks for that trait or lesson, for it just develops us closer to the beautiful and amazing person we are becoming.

Do you struggle with disappointments and how to deal with them? Maybe next time you are in the middle of that, you can stop, and see the potential for growth, and give thanks for the opportunity to become more than you were.

Philippians 4:6-9 - Getting the Stress Out of Inner Peace

Today I was talking to a coworker of mine. She was sharing about her weekend which included sharing the stress she was feeling in a personal relationship. Listening to her, it became clear that she was not feeling peace at all. In that relationship, she is ignoring what she needs in order to please the other person, and then becoming very upset when her needs aren't being met. She is making it her job to care for the other person and expecting the other person to take care of caring for her. Throw this on top of work stress she is feeling and she is not at peace. Instead of having a balance of times of work and refreshment, she moves from one environment that causes her stress to another.

As I was listening and asking God for wisdom, I was reminded that looking to another person to be responsible for our peace is never going to work. As we talked, I tried to help her identify what her needs were and help her find ways to take responsibility for those needs. In her case, she felt a desire to go out and do things sometimes, not just hang around home. She wanted this person to take her out and do things but this person was content to be very low-key, close to home and preferred to not make plans. This results in no plans and no peace for her.

Have you ever been in need of inner peace? If your answer is no, well...I could would love to hear your story and strategies.

Inner peace is something most of us strive for; although what causes us to feel peace may be vastly different. Some feel inner piece from knowing they are unconditionally loved, some from having financial security, some find it in trust that they will be taken care of and some in being in a safe environment. Whatever it is that causes you to be in a state of inner peace, it is important to recognize that if we base our feeling of inner peace on another person, or even ourselves, it will fail. When it all comes down to it, we screw-up. Some of us less than others, but we screw-up. We make bad decisions, or fail to do something, or do it in a way that brings hurt and harm. As much as we want to be harbingers of peace, we are imperfect.

The good news is that inner peace can be found in God. In trust, in faith, in accepting the gifts of love and salvation that God offers.

I want to share a passage from Philippians four that has always been near and dear to me:

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Two key ideas I find in this passage is the idea of letting go and the idea of holding on.

In the first part, this passage asks us to let go of anxiety. This does not necessarily mean we should let go of those things, but we should release the anxiety. For instance if your are feeling stress from a work situation, release the anxiety. Understand that some things you don't have control over and release those things. For the things you can control, allow yourself to set up and pursue ideals that will improve the situation. This doesn't have to mean leaving the job, just recognizing what you have control over and work to change that and release the stress of those things you can't control
.

This is not an easy thing to accomplish, but by taking little steps, over time, you will find that the situation changes and improves and peace will start to infiltrate that environment.

The second part asks us to hold on to things; things that are good, true, excellent, admirable. That involves looking at the situation and recognizing what is good and worthy. Going back to a work stress, you might start to think about those things involved that are good. Are there co-workers that you connect positively with and/or bring strengths to the work you are involved with. What things about the environment make you comfortable? Have you accomplished some things that you are proud of? Hold onto and focus on those things.

Again, this can be a challenge, particularly if the situation has anxiety attached to it.

Think of that thing which gives you great stress, be open to different and better opportunities if they present themselves, thus giving yourself permission to let go of your current situation if it produces a lot of anxiety. Also give up the idea that the current situation has to stay the same. Some things you will be unable to change, but other things you can. How can you make the environment better? What positive impacts can you have?  This can help you release the anxiety because you are reminding yourself it doesn't have to be permanent. Then consider the positive things about your situation. What ways are you growing? What are the good things about the environment? What is good about the people around you? Hold onto these things! Celebrate them! As you focus on the positive, things will change, if nothing else, your outlook and attitude will change and you will find peace.

You can not expect others to take care of ensuring your peace. Follow the advice from Philippians and let go...and hold on...with God's help, you will find peace.