Prayer for a Friend

This morning I received an email from a friend asking me to pray for her and her work situation. It has been toxic and she is concerned for her professional reputation and her ability to work in the environment she is in. We have been praying in our small group for this situation on and off over the last few months and at times, it seems like there is a break in the clouds, but then things seem to go back into darkness and the struggles increase.

I composed the following prayer based on different scriptures with inspiration from a book called The Sword and the Spirit The Word of God by Joy Lamb. This book has been a light to me over the years, helping me to pray, when I couldn't find the words because I either felt dry in my Spirit or when I was in the center of the situation anjd felt I was drowning.

I want to share this prayer with you. I am committed to pray this daily for my friend over the next month (I have set it up in my Google calendar with the prayer in the details) and invite you to pray this with me for my friend or feel free to use it as it fits into situations with people you know.

Thank you God, that your word is a lamp unto her feet and a light unto her path. (Psalm 119:105). As she walks in this time of difficulty, I thank you that You go before her and make her rough places smooth. You will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through iron bars. (Isaiah 45:2). We know that you, God, will deliver her from the hand of the wicked (Psalm 97:10) and that the Holy Spirit will lead her into all truth (John 16:13)

I thank you Lord that You said 'Light shall shine out of darkness', and You are the one who has shone in my friend and her boss's hearts in this situation to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. (2 Corinthians 4:6) You can turn this situation from one of mourning into joy. As my fiend continues the time she has in this place she is in, I thank you that you store up sound wisdom for her. You are a shield to her as she walks in integrity. (Proverbs 2:7) Comfort her in the knowledge that she can do all things through Christ who strengthens her. (Philippians 4:13)

AMEN

One of the great powers of prayer is that it not only is good for the spirit(s) of the one(s) receiving prayer but also for our own spirit.

Do you have a friend who needs prayer? I encourage you to find scripture, God's word, to lift up that situation. If you share it with me, I will be glad to join you in prayer.

Obediah 11-15 - Taking the Time to Understand

Recently, I received a wedding invitation from one of the couples in my small group and the first thing I noticed was that the grooms first name was not what I thought it was. I have always known him as Chase but I learned from the invitation that his name was Ming. The next morning when we were running I asked him about it and he shared that when he was finishing college and looking for internships, he was getting no response from his resume. A friend suggested that he use an American name on his resume...and suddenly the responses started coming in (some from the same places that had rejected his resume previously). I was shocked to hear this. Chase sounds and acts very Americanized and although it is clear he is of Asian descent, he is as American as I am and is a US citizen. I apologized that he had to experience this and expressed my disappointment that employers would get hung up on the name and not get past it on the resume. As I was mulling this over in my mind, he started to tell me a story...

He told me that he had been running/walking at the same beach that we run at the week before with his friend Brian and he also had his and his future bride's 10 month old son in his stroller. As they were going along the beach a woman in a passing car started yelling at them...and then pulled over and flipped them the bird. [I had to chuckle because I could see where it was going...two guys and a stroller...and the irony was that these guys were straight and it was only my friend's baby.] And Chase asked, if this kind of stuff ever happen to Thomas and I. I told him that of course it did. In spite of the fact that we live in Massachusetts near Boston, one of most accepting places in the United States Occasionally we have people yell and shout obscenities at us when we are walking down the street holding hands. I admitted that it is one of the reasons I am not in favor of a public place for our wedding; I would not want the beauty of that day and that commitment marred by someone who is unable to control their opinions. I told him we also have people stop and tell us how great and cute we are. He went on to express that he was scared when he and his friend Brian had experienced this woman. The woman was pretty mad and he and his friend are shorter than average; he was concerned about violence...

The rest of our run I continued to think about these conversations and how God would call us to act. As I thought about it, I was reminded that Jesus spent time with all kinds of people. We read about him in conversation with pharisees (Luke 7:36-50), we see him talking to women (John 4:1-38) and tax collectors (Luke 19:1-10). Jesus taught both in the countryside (Matthew 4:23) and the cities (Mark 11:27). Jesus knew many people, rich, poor, revered, and cast out and he spent time with them all. He took the time to know people. We too are called to know and understand people, being careful how we judge and treat them.

One of the places that I am reminded of this is in Obediah:

11 On the day you stood aloof while strangers carried off his wealth and foreigners entered his gates and cast lots for Jerusalem, you were like one of them. 12 You should not look down on your brother in the day of his misfortune, nor rejoice over the people of Judah in the day of their destruction, nor boast so much in the day of their trouble. 13 You should not march through the gates of my people in the day of their disaster, nor look down on them in their calamity in the day of their disaster, nor seize their wealth in the day of their disaster. 14 You should not wait at the crossroads to cut down their fugitives, nor hand over their survivors in the day of their trouble. 15 "The day of the LORD is near for all nations. As you have done, it will be done to you; your deeds will return upon your own head. 

 In this case, the prophet is reminding the people not take advantage of others' misfortune or look down on them, because circumstances can change and you might find yourself in that place. Obadiah was reminding the people to have compassion and treat others with dignity and respect, for all people will face God and have their actions examined. 

As I think about this in relation to my friend having to change his name in order to get responses to his resume, I think how foolish it is for someone to make a judgement based on a name. From a name, you can not possibly know if someone is qualified for the position. By ignoring that resume, the company could be missing out on an employee that would bring that company to new heights, all because they couldn't read past the name. What a shame. Possibly it was unconscious, possibly because they thought this person would be stealing a job from a US citizen, or possibly they thought there would be a language barrier...but these things would not have been true. 

When I looked at the experience my friend has with the woman, I can't help but think who was hurt by her assumptions...assumptions that were wrong. She was, because it caused her to feel great anger and I am sure that stuck with her for a good portion of the day. My friend experienced fear, so he was hurt, and I imagine if others witnessed it, it was uncomfortable and raised emotions in them as well. Ultimately, everyone was negatively affected...all for a wrong assumption. But even if she had been correct, what positive difference did she make? None. No one walked away feeling good and no one was moved to change their opinion or decisions to her beliefs.

As people trying to make good and right choices, as people who claim to know and want to share God with others, we must engage with those around us. We need to take the time to understand who they are and we need to focus our energy on loving. Loving does not mean agreeing and supporting everything, but loving works for the good of all people and leaves a path of understanding and respect.

Luke 7:37-38, 47 - A Beautiful Expression of Love

Last week, while I was in the middle of conducting an online webinar, one of my co-workers came into my office carrying a bouquet of flowers and put them on my desk. As I continued the session, I snuck a quick peek at the card which read, "Jimmy, You are Amazing! Love, Thomas". As you can imagine, my heart swelled in my chest and a tear escaped from my eye. These beautiful flowers were not for a special occasion, they were "just because". I felt special. These flowers were a true gift of love.

These flowers made me think of a story in Luke chapter 7. A story of a beautiful expression of love. Love that does not hinge on my behavior, but is given.

³⁷ A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. ³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them...
⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

One of the first things that catches me about this story is the woman's love for Jesus. She comes and humbles herself, pouring expensive perfume onto Jesus' feet and wipes his feet with her hair. A couple things to note:

1. Perfume was very expensive and the amount this woman poured on Jesus would have cost a great deal. This was not an easy gift to give, it would have cost her much.
2. In Jesus' time a woman did not bear her hair in public. If she did people thought she was promiscuous. This woman gave up her dignity to give this gift to Jesus. The personal cost was great.

Clearly this woman had great love for Jesus. She gave up of her fortune and her dignity to lavish love on Jesus. She lavishes love on Jesus. Not because he did something for her but because of who He is. The flowers I received were like that. They were a lavish gift of love, not because I did something to deserve them, but because of who I am.

Jesus responds to this gift, pronouncing her forgiven and further explains that she is able to express this great love because she feels the freedom of forgiveness. The forgiveness was not a result of her love, an expression made possible by her forgiven state.

Jesus goes on to compare the love offered by the woman to that of his host, a prominent religious leader in the village who did not offer to wash his feet, did not offer perfume, nor greeted him with a kiss, all common courtesies of the day when hosting an honored guest.

The host did not see his need for forgiveness and therefore had no great expression of love, the woman did and her expression was beautiful and honored Jesus.

Are self aware of your shortcomings? Do you know your need for forgiveness? Do you have a great appreciation for the wholeness and grace given to you by God and others around you? What can be seen in your expressions of love?

Proverbs 25:16 - What I Learned from Ice Cream

This week, my small group was between studies so we planned a social event. For some reason the local ice cream shop comes up often in our group and they have what is called the "Brain Freeze" challenge that a couple of us have been talking about doing, so we decided to make that our social event.

Now the "Brain Freeze" challenge involves eating 8 scoops of ice cream, 6 servings of liquid toppings, and 4 servings of candy toppings. You can choose your flavors of all of these and as they make it they weigh it so that in the end you have 3 pounds of ice cream and toppings. If you can eat it all in 30 minutes or less, you win a free t-shirt. Some of you are probably saying that sounds great, where do I sign-up, while others are probably groaning. Two of us decided to do it.

Well let me tell you I have been excited about this all summer. I love ice cream and felt like this would be no problem. We each selected our ice cream flavors and toppings and they made up our very large sundaes...and there was pleasure in every bite...until I got about 3/4 of the way through...my stomach started to rebel and eating ice cream became something I was trying to do, not something to be enjoyed.

Proverbs 25:16 sings a familiar song...too much of a good thing...

If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it.

My experience with the "Brain Freeze" challenge reminded me of this. It reminded me that there is a price to pay for gluttony. What starts out as good and a pleasure turns into something else, something that is not honoring, and something that can leave you feeling sick.

The "Brain Freeze" challenge is not a long-term example of this issue, but if we examine our lives, we can find good examples. Perhaps our excess is in an area such as alcohol, eating, exercise, or one of many other things. Each of these can be something that in some amounts brings us pleasure and can be a part of a balanced life, but overdue it and you pay a price. This excess starts to impact other areas of your life and your ability to experience the full joy that God has planned for you. With the "Brain Freeze" challenge, my stomach felt full the next morning and I skipped breakfast. Throughout the day, my stomach continued to not feel great but I did eat food a couple of times to make sure I was giving my body energy. Each time I did, I felt a little sick and the experience was certainly NOT a pleasure.

Do you have excesses in your life? It may seem like a pleasure now, but there will be a price. Consider the advice from proverbs and experience things in balance. Indulge, but don't overindulge so that you can feel the pleasure that God has for you in each experience.

And for those of you wondering...I finished my 3 pounds of ice cream with 8 minutes to spare...and got my free t-shirt (in a size large enough for me to swim in).

Responding To Disappointment

So a month ago, I wrote a post on Disappointment, featuring Romans 5:3-5 and this week I got to live it...

Last Sunday I got a voice mail from the innkeeper where my fiancé and I are supposed to get married next May. When I called back, she explained that she had to sell the B&B and would be closing in November and that the buyer had a different purpose in mind for the property and would not be able to honor our contract. She felt terrible and would be sending back our deposit plus some additional money to help out with our wedding.

What I wanted to do:

• I wanted to get angry and demand to know why she would let us book the place just a couple of months previously. She had to have some idea that this was going to happen.
• I wanted to cry because all our advance planning was for nothing and we had just sent in the designs for our invitations...with all the wrong information.
  

What actually happened:

• I expressed my condolences that she had to close the Inn and thanked her for letting us know early and for her generosity in contributing some additional money to our wedding fund. She also had made some calls to some other local B&B's to see who might be able to host our event, and I thanked her for that. I chose to show understanding and sympathy.

While I was upset and disappointed, I knew that both my spirit and the innkeepers were on the line. If I allowed my anger anger and frustration rule me, both of us would pay a price. For the innkeeper, I would add to her guilt feelings and I would be discounting the kindnesses she had showed in the situation. For myself, I would let anger and bitterness into my heart and possible allow it to mar, what will be one of the greatest days of my life, the day I join my life in the commitment of marriage. Further, I couldn't help but think of the story in John chapter 8 where the religious leaders brought a woman to Jesus who had been caught in the act of adultry:

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” verse 7

I have certainly messed up and disappointed others and I will in the future. When others mess up and cause me disappointment, I try to consider how I would like others to respond to my mistakes and do likewise.

Now as the week has gone on, we have done a great deal of research into other options and venues, I have prayed, and my small group has prayed with me. Many options involve changing the wedding date (and we loved our date because by God-incidence we had scheduled our wedding for the 10th anniversary of legal gay marriage in Massachusetts, the state where we live) and budget seems to be an obstacle for many great locations as we are trying to make it a weekend event. But here are some of the places this week's prayers have brought me to:

• Focus on what is important. I have stepped back to consider what is most important about my wedding. This event celebrates a great love. It does not need to rely on money, a certain date, specific things being present or a specific location. It is about Thomas and I and the love and commitment we share. Whatever works out, those key elements will be there. That day will be amazing for just that! Anything else is added beauty and blessing.
• See new possibilities. As we have explored different options, I have come to look for what new things these different venues offer instead of what they don't offer that were at the Inn. For instance, in looking at a retreat and conference center, I am thinking about the fire pit available and the opportunities for a campfire and s'mores. This was not something we would have been able to do previously and it could be a very different and fun way to spend time with our guests on the eve of our wedding. For those who know me, I am a s'more master and a big campfire fan. Focusing on this helps me to spend less time thinking about the fact that we will have to do additional food planning for this venue to stay in our budget if we chose it.

Thinking about handling disappointments and saying how we will respond when they happen is a very different experience than actually facing it and choosing to respond with love.

Do you have an example of a time when you have chosen to respond with love and patience in the face of disappointment? I would love to hear about it.

Dueteronomy 4:29 - Confronting Yourself with God

It is clear from the Bible that God desires relationship with us and scripture makes all kinds of references as to what that relationship is:

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:15

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, Ephesians 5:25

Throughout scripture God sets up the idea of a positive, incredibly intimate relationship with God...parent...best friend...spouse. But if you are like me, you find it a challenge to hold God in one of those spots; to see God in the same way you see that parents who you have an amazingly special relationship with, the best friend that you can call anytime day or night, or the spouse that you never want to spend a moment separated from. The big difference is that those people are physical and tangible and we are confronted with them, standing in front of us, on a regular basis.

But we do get glimpses of this, moments when God feels that close and that real. This comes at those times when we are see and are closest to God, at those times when we confront ourselves with God on a regular basis and we feel the intimacy. Dueteronomy tells us:

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. Dueteronomy 4:29

But how do we confront ourselves with God?

• Intentionally look for God - As you walk through your day, see what God has done and thank God. Make it a habit so that your response to beauty, a positive event, or something that causes wonder is, "Thank you God!"
• Meditate and think on God - Maybe this is a regular reading and meditation of scripture, maybe it is a time of prayer, or maybe it is a time of complete contemplation, emptying your thoughts of all distractions of the world and focusing on the divine. Make a time of meditation a daily habit
• Involve God in regular everyday activities - Bring God into routine activities, such as eating. Say grace before a meal, using your exercise time to memorize a key scripture verse, post scriptures on your bathroom mirror that you read to yourself every time you are in front of it. Make God a part of each day, just as your would a person who is incredibly important and special to you. 

When we are confronting ourselves with God on a regular basis, our relationship grows and we see those glimpses of God in the intimate relationship that he desires to be in with us.  We will find moments when we feel like God is that loving parent, loyal best friend, our other half.For me, the song The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe embodies this desired intimacy.

What are the ways you confront yourself with God and build that intimate relationship?

Creating a Safe Place for Engagement

Last week, my friend Derek asked me if I was familiar with Andrew Marin's ministry and what I thought of him. I responded that I had heard about him, but I wasn't overly enthusiastic about him because from things I had read from people in the LGBT community he held the belief that homosexuality was a sin and that was underlying in his work.

Then this week, I got involved in a discussion with my small group about judgement and engagement. We were focused on the idea of Jesus reaching out to those around him, regardless of their background. Further, we discussed how the church could better reach those who were outside the church. Ideas such as, no judgement, a safe place, and engagement came up.


As I was thinking about both of these things, I started considering Jesus and his engagement with those around him and a few scriptures and ideas came to mind. First, Jesus engaged with all types of people:

The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” John 4:9

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” Luke 15:1, 2

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” Luke 19:5

Jesus had people of all different financial backgrounds in his audience, all different education levels, city folk and country folk, and people of all different social positions in the community. Jesus engaged with all sorts of people. His goal was to reach out and touch the heart of each one. He offered God to each and left them to choose whether to accept the gift he had to offer. He made him self safe to each. We can see that all types of people felt they could approach Jesus.

Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. He came to Jesus at night and said... John 3:1, 2

 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” John 9:2 

 When he entered Capernaum, a centurion approached him and appealed to him, Matthew 8:5

Jesus was a safe place. Jesus listened and saw each person before him. he did not send them away or make them feel unwelcome. Jesus did not write them off for their past choices or their current attitudes. But the thing we need to realize is that Jesus did recognize sin in them and encourage them to change and choose relationship with good and live a life a love. He acknowledged faults and without making the people unworthy, and he offered a different path. He did judge them, but he offered them a path to wholeness and relationship with God.

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 18:14

She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. John 8:11

“I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” John 4:17, 18

Jesus loved people enough not to let them stay the way they were. He may have been harsh at times, but that was with the people whose sin lay in their righteousness, because they needed to realize their distance from God. For all, he met them in the place they were at and showed them a new path. And this is what we as the church need to be in order to reach people around us. We need to love them where they are at and offer them another path. Our love can't be contingent on them choosing the path we are offering them, it must be genuine love. In this way, we can create a space that is a safe place where we can engage. 

Walking away from my thoughts, I have some further realizations about my opening stories. With respect to Andrew Marin, I realize that he is doing as Jesus did, trying to love people where they are at and offer them a different path, one that he believes is of God. I realize that he and I just have a different idea of what God's view of homosexuality is. While he and I don't agree, I do respect his meeting people in the place that they are at with love. (So if you happen to be reading this Mr. Marin, I apologize for not clearly seeing the goodness of your methods because we see scripture differently on this topic. As for my small group, I think we need to remember that the key is loving people in the place that they are and offering (not forcing) others another path. It isn't a judgement-free environment, but it is a cocoon of love and acceptance.

Do you love people like Jesus?